Boogered Up Eyeballs, Half Full Glasses, Homicidal Mani/Pedi

Yesterday I woke up with 2 white splotches on the iris of my left eye. They look like little blisters but they don't hurt and I can see just fine. I have a recurring viral eye infection in that eye but it usually manifests itself as pain and redness so I thought this might be something different.

God (and Jayson's employer) has blessed us with vision insurance so a few weeks ago I researched local optometrists and chose Strong Vision Center. I made my choice based on this important criteria:

1. They must be in my insurance network.
2. They must be conveniently located.
3. They must have a website with pictures of the staff.
4. The staff must look relatively sane.
And, most important:
5. There must not be any misspelled words on their website. 

I figure if they can't handle proofreading their website, they probably can't file my insurance correctly either.

Taylor needs her annual eye exam so when I called I told the guy who answered that I needed to make an appointment for both myself and my daughter. I have to admit that I was mildly entertained by the fact that a man was answering the phone in an office that is owned and operated by two women. I don't know why that makes me happy.

Anyway, Dude said the first available appointment was for next Wednesday. Then I explained to him that I had a boogered up eyeball and could be blind by next Wednesday. Suddenly there was an opening for the following morning at 8:15.

That's usually about the time I'm crawling out of bed but having gone nearly blind in one eye because of an infection I am now conscientious about my eyeball care. I don't wear much eye makeup anymore but when I did I removed it every night with baby shampoo and carefully washed my eyeballs. I don't think I would handle blindness very well so I don't mess around with my vision.

I wore contacts for 25 years but after my last viral flare up I tossed them out and switched to glasses. My eyeball virus isn't related to contact lens wear but they can cause irritation which can trigger the virus and it's an unpleasant experience. My last flare up lasted 18 months. You do NOT want a viral eye infection. I got it from a bad sinus infection that backed up into my eyes. I know, gross, but it can happen.

I saw Dr. Cassandra Knight bright and early yesterday morning and I like her a lot. The room I was in had shadowboxes full of vintage eyeglasses mounted on the walls. This is much better than the huge posters of eyeball diseases that you usually see.

I also couldn't help but notice a little business card rack on the desk full of cards for other health care providers that I assume they recommend. One of those cards was for a family doctor that I considered going to but ended up choosing someone else. The doctor's name is Jennifer Kwak. I just can't help but feel bad for her because of her name. She's a doctor. Named Kwak. I'm sure she's heard every joke in the book. Anyway, the doctor I chose is okay but not fabulous. Now I'm thinking that seeing Dr. Kwak's business card in the optometrist's office is a sign that maybe I need to switch to her. I'll have to mull that over for a while.

Dr. Knight asked me some questions then looked at my eyes with the slit lamp. She then told me that I actually have white splotches in both eyes but you can't see it in my right eye because it's over the white part. She said as we get older we sometimes get gray rings around the iris of our eyes so it could be that but the edges are irregular so she referred me to a corneal specialist.

She also asked me if I was aware that I have cataracts. On my last visit to the eye doctor in Louisiana I was told that I have the near vision of a 20 year old. I am very nearsighted and can't see anything more than 3 feet away from me, but up close I see very well. At least for now I'm not in danger of bifocals. 

Now my Texas eye doctor tells me that I have old lady eyes. I pointed this out to Dr. Knight who was very quick to tell me that she's seen cataracts in 20 and 30 year olds. It's not very common but it does happen. She also said to look on the bright side. If I have to have cataract surgery it often corrects your vision. So it's like getting LASIK surgery but your insurance will pay for it since it's medically necessary. I thought that was very good news since I used to be an excellent candidate for LASIK until my second viral flare up. Then I was told I could never have LASIK surgery because it would trigger the virus. Cataract surgery might also trigger the virus but it would be necessary and the key word is "might".

That's when I decided that I like Dr. Knight. She's a glass-half-full kinda person. Not that I'm a glass-half-empty person. I'm more of a glass-is-too-big-you-stupid-moron type person.

Now I have an appointment with a corneal specialist next Friday. There were earlier appointments available but my sister is coming to visit and that's the priority right now.

I was so traumatized at the news of my old lady eyes that I decided to console myself with a mani/pedi. The other day I noticed a salon in the Kroger shopping center by my house so I stopped in there to pamper myself into a better mood.

Serene Nails and Spa is one of those "Vietnamese nail salons" that some people avoid like the plague. I like them. I used to wear acrylics all the time and would get them done by Danny at Crystal Nail.

Anjelah  Johnson has a pretty good handle on the nail salon experience:



You should also watch her BonQuiQui at King Burger video. A common phrase around our house is, "I'm a cut you".

My little girl's name was Amy and she was unusually quiet for a Vietnamese nail tech. All of the other girls looked just like her: 4 feet tall, ponytail, capris and 3" wedge sandals. The salon owner stood out by the way she worked the room. She regularly asked each customer if everything was okay, she brought extra magazines and offered us bottles of water.

It's been years since I've had a pedicure so I'd forgotten how incredibly fabulous they are. I decided that instead of recliners I would like to have a couple of fully plumbed pedicure chairs in our family room. They aren't anymore hideous looking than those ridiculous home theater chairs that everyone is buying so why not? The chairs recline, massage, vibrate, have attached trays for snacks and drinks plus you can soak your feet in a nice warm whirlpool while you watch streaming episodes of MST3K on Netflix through your Wii. I think I'm on to something.

Amy did a nice job with my pedicure, really getting after my heels with that cheese grater. She massaged my feet and legs from the knees down using hot rocks and wrapped them in warm towels. At one point she pounded my legs with her little fists which felt surprisingly good until she hit that very sensitive nerve just under my kneecap which made me nearly kick her in the chin.

I thought I would get bored sitting in a chair for that long so I put my cell phone in the seat under my right thigh. That's where I usually put it when I get my hair done so that I can feel it vibrate when it's my move in Words With Friends. Evidently the massaging action of the pedicure chair caused my phone to migrate because when it vibrated I couldn't find it under my thigh where it was supposed to be. I fished around as best I could without looking like I was digging in my crotch then gave up and got all depressed that my thighs are now big enough to gobble up a cell phone.

I got all caught up on my celebrity news when I got my hair done the other day so I wasn't in mood to read a 6 month old People magazine. I had no choice but to eaves drop on the conversation between the two ladies next me. We'll call them Betty and Sue. Apparently they are friends and they met at the salon to get pedicures together. I would estimate they are probably my age or slightly older.

The big topic of conversation was Sue's 17 year old son who was going to either Padre Island or Corpus Christi for Spring Break. Sue couldn't remember which one it was. It was some kind of class trip and one of the mothers rented a condo for the kids. This disturbed Sue since she would have preferred a hotel where she felt the management would keep things under control better.

Sue told her son to behave himself or he would have to face the consequences. If he got arrested he would be spending a few nights in jail. Probably because it would take Sue that long to find him since she's not exactly sure where he's going.

Sue told Betty that she's well aware of what goes on during Spring Break and if it was her daughter, she would not be allowed to go on the trip. Sue went on several Spring Break trips during her youth and described them as "wild".

Sue went on to brag about what a good kid her son is and how his friends are good kids as well. They all have goals to go to college and she felt like that made them good kids. I'm guessing Sue never went to college.

Betty asked Sue about her son's college plans and they talked about that for a while. Sue wants him to go to LSU. Betty and Sue both agreed that going away to college right after high school is the best thing to do rather than starting out at a community college. They both felt it helps the kids to be more responsible and mature faster. Not to mention the fact that it speeds up their plans to turn the kid's room into a gym.

Apparently Sue's son mentioned going to Lone Star College before transferring somewhere else. Sue adamantly expressed her distaste for community college and described it as a waste of time. She said he might as well go to art school. She said "art school" as if the words tasted bad in her mouth.

My daughter goes to Lone Star Cy-Fair. She likes it. We like it. I like Taylor and I like having her close to home. She has the rest of her life to be a grown up, I don't see the point in rushing it. I wasn't really offended that Sue dissed Lone Star, however I was terribly offended that the worst thing she could compare it to was art school. This offended me a great deal even though I've never been to art school.

It was clear that Sue looked down on the arts and probably any kind of creative career in general and this made me want to gouge her eyes out with a palette knife. Betty wholeheartedly agreed but I have a feeling she probably took watercolor classes on the sly.

My relaxing mani/pedi resulted in unreasonable homicidal tendencies toward a couple of clueless suburbanites who made me want to go get another tattoo just to make sure I never end up like them.

Then I looked down at my red toes which were almost covered by my yoga pants as I climbed into my SUV and took a swig of my bottled water then thought to myself, "Crap. Too late."