Saturday, April 07, 2012

The Big Waffle House Incident of 2012 and The Deadly Rug Doctor

This morning we rented a carpet cleaning machine so Jayson could clean all the upstairs carpets. This was the plan for last weekend, or maybe the weekend before, but we had migraines beyond our control. I did get our taxes done though.

Jayson handles the carpet cleaning because I am generally baffled by the machines and I'm a little afraid of the whole water/electricity proximity. At least that's what I keep telling him and so far he's buying it.

We try to clean our carpets once a year and even though we're renting right now I think it's still a good thing to do. However this particular carpet cleaning episode was necessary as a result of The Big Waffle House Incident of 2012.

My 4 year old nephew Presley was here a few weeks ago and, bless his heart, was a victim of own lack of impulse control. He procured himself a bottle of pancake syrup and proceeded to pour it all over the house. And I mean ALL over the house! There were several dinner plate sized blobs in several bedrooms and in the upstairs hallway.  There were a couple of blobs on the stairs which was logical since he'd squeezed out a nice size serving of chocolate syrup there just a few days earlier. He doused Taylor's stuffed Garfield with it, or maybe it was the bedspread he doused and Garfield got in the line of fire. Hard to tell. He also went into Taylor's closet and poured it on her makeup table. To his credit he was very thorough in the limited time he had.

Ever since then my whole house has smelled like a Waffle House. Not that it's an unpleasant smell, it's just that I half expect to find a homeless person curled up under my dining room table.

In Presley's defense I was the one who left the syrup on the counter the night before. I took it out of the pantry and put it there so my sister wouldn't forget to take it home the next day. The kids use a special sugar free syrup and I sure as heck don't have any use for that! So...I accept my part in The Big Waffle House Incident of 2012. Presley's Daddy owns a little of the incident as well. He was supposed to be watching Pres but he stepped outside for just a minute...which is precisely how long it takes a 4 year old to cover a 3000 square foot house in syrup. Ya know, in case that pops up in a trivia game at some point.

To compound matters Presley chose to inappropriately express his creativity on the morning his family was in a rush to leave town so they could make it to Dallas in time for a doctor's appointment. Of course. These things don't happen during leisure time.

So this morning Jayson and I finally got around to renting a trusty ol' Rug Doctor machine. While Jayson worked on the carpets I colored 3 dozen Easter eggs so it's not like I was lazy while he did all the work. I'm probably more exhausted than he is. Plus I'm injured.

Jayson is the Health, Safety, Quality, Environment, Rules, Regulations, Whatever guy at work. At least until they hire his replacement. He took another position several months ago but they haven't hired a new safety guy yet so he's basically doing 2 jobs. This morning when we brought the Rug Doctor home he carefully explained to me and Taylor how dangerous it will be if we go upstairs then come back downstairs. All of our upstairs is carpeted but all of our downstairs is ceramic tile. Wet feet on ceramic tile can be treacherous. We rolled our eyes at the way he was treating us like 4 year olds. Duh, we know wet tile is slippery. To make Jayson happy I placed an old beach towel at the foot of the stairs so we could dry our feet before stepping on the tile. Problem solved.

After a while, Jayson called me upstairs to inspect the progress and make sure I was satisfied. He was in our bedroom so I just assumed that was the room he had just done.

"Wow, looks great!" I said with more enthusiasm than was necessary.

Jayson replied, "I haven't done this room yet."

The credibility of all my future opinions just vanished into thin air.

Later while I was slaving away on my Easter eggs the yard guys showed up to mow. As soon as I heard their weedeater I darted upstairs to grab the cash to pay them. I was in a rush to get back downstairs so I could catch them before they started mowing. I wanted to ask them to cut the grass a little shorter because it was getting too long too fast. As I raced back downstairs I was aware of the carpet cleaner hose lying on the staircase (Jayson was taking a break) so I made sure not to trip over it. I was real proud of myself for that! I was also aware that only the top half of the staircase was wet. Jayson hadn't gotten to the bottom steps yet. As I approached those last few dry steps at full speed I can recall a mostly subconscious thought that those dry steps probably dried my feet off so it's okay that I'm about to step down onto the tile and completely miss the beach towel I had put there. Then it was just all tangled limbs, carpet burns and flying cash.

I was stunned for a moment then recalled why I was in such a hurry so I hollered for Jayson to come downstairs...which is no small feat since the man is nearly deaf. He made sure I wasn't critically injured then he took care of the yard guys. That was actually sort of funny to listen to since Jayson can't hear and they don't speak English anyway :)

Jayson came back inside to find me whining and Taylor examining my injuries. He looked at me and asked, "Were you not at this morning's safety meeting??"

I didn't dignify his question with a response.

Then he asked Taylor, "Did you understand the safety meeting this morning?"

To which the little rat enthusiastically replied, "Yes, *I* did!"

Fortunately I didn't break anything and I have only a few minor scratches and scrapes to remind me of my stupidity. There is some slight swelling in my ankle which concerned me since tomorrow is Easter Sunday. Fortunately I can still shove it into my tennis shoe and my Easter jeans will keep it covered.

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