Sunday, January 20, 2013

Dirty Balls, Soul Geeks and Bikini Threading

Our good friends Chad, Jamie and their kids Collin and Emily are here visiting for the weekend. No matter what we do or don't do we always have a great time with them.

Today we went bowling at Main Event in Katy. Jayson has his own ball and shoes which he said he hadn't used in probably 10 years. When he opened the bag he found a couple of small toys that Taylor had when she was a toddler, along with a score card from 1998. It's been slightly more than 10 years.

His old bowling towel was in the bag as well and looked like it hadn't been washed since 1998. One of the kids asked why his towel was so dirty and before I could stop myself I said, "Because Mr. Jayson has dirty balls."  That caused fits of giggles and an entire day filled with juvenile ball jokes.

After bowling we wandered around Katy Mills Mall for the rest of the afternoon. The kids spotted the EuroBubbles and couldn't resist taking a tumble. I'd never seen these before and was fascinated. The kid crawls inside a big plastic ball that is sealed up and pumped full of air. Then they tumble around in a big pool of water. I guess when you run out of air it's someone else's turn.

 Me, Jamie and Taylor spent a good deal of time searching for the perfect clearance bra at Victoria's Secret. Jamie scored 2 cute ones at a great price but Taylor and I struck out. The men and kids waited as patiently as they could for us in the massage chairs just outside the store. Jayson called on my cell to check on us since we'd been in there for so long. I explained to him that bra shopping was an extremely difficult and strenuous activity for most women so we might be there for the rest of the day. In an attempt to be helpful he pointed out that if we couldn't find what we needed there, he spotted a Frederick's of Hollywood a few doors down. They both have bras so he thought one was just as good as the other. Bless his heart.

While Jamie was paying for her new bras, I joined the guys in the massage chairs in the mall. Jayson fed $1 into the machine and some awesome rolly massager ball things started massaging my neck. They didn't really get the neck and shoulder area very well but when they traveled down to my lower back my eyes rolled back in my head and I'm pretty sure my toes curled. The massager thingies went back up to my shoulders and worked there for a while. When they started heading for my lower back again I told Chad he might want to ask the kids to leave for a few minutes. It was that good.

Taylor and I have never been able to walk side by side. According to Taylor I walk like a staggering drunk which causes us to bounce off each other like we're in a pinball machine. However, I was pleased to discover that Jamie also walks like a staggering drunk but instead of slamming into each other we weave in the same direction like a carefully choreographed drunken dance. 'Twas refreshing.

Jamie and I checked out Old Navy to see what was on sale and I managed to find 2 pairs of jeans that were on clearance and actually fit! One of the pairs was on the clearance rack but it didn't have a price on it. I decided to take it up to the register and see how much they were. I told myself if they were under $20 I would get them.

While Jamie & I were in the checkout line, Jayson sent me a text message to check on our status. My text tone is a series of beeps and bleeps from R2D2. I'm geek like dat. When the guy in front of me heard my text tone he said he had the exact same one and had never run across anyone else who had it. We laughed at how geeky we both were then he showed me the screensaver on his phone that was Darth Vader holding a Guinness. I just can't outgeek that. Then a few minutes later I noticed that he was holding a small Bath & Body Works bag. I looked down and in my hand I was holding the exact same bag. I don't know for sure but it wouldn't have surprised me if he bought the same lotion I did. He was probably my soul mate. And that's a terrifying thought.

When it was finally my turn, I told the register gal that I couldn't find a price on one of the pairs of jeans so I asked her how much they were. She entered a bunch of codes into the computer then finally looked up and said, "They're 47 cents."

I said, "47 dollars?"

She said, "No, 47 cents," as if she says that a hundred times a day and it's no big deal. I decided I'd go ahead and buy the jeans then I thanked Jesus for the gift. 

We entered the mall next to the Rainforest Cafe so we started making our way back in that direction. Jamie called the guys and told them to meet us at the giraffe's ass. I regret that I forgot to take a picture of the giraffe's ass, but if you've ever been to a Rainforest Cafe you know that I am talking about a life sized statue of a giant giraffe. With a giant ass. We were tired, it was funny at the time.

On our way to the secret meeting location (code name: giraffe's ass) we passed by one of those kiosks in the middle of the mall where they do eyebrow threading. We had passed by this location once and noticed a lady laying in the chair getting her brows threaded. We commented about how she has a bigger set than we do to be able to do that in the middle of a very crowded mall.

When we passed by her again a few minutes later, the technician was threading her neck. Seriously. Okay, most women over a "certain age" have had to deal with the occasional chin hair and the wild ones that pop up in inappropriate places. But to do that kind of personal grooming in the middle of the mall takes more estrogen than I'm capable of producing.

Once operation Giraffe's Ass was completed and we had rendezvoused with Team B, we loaded up in the car and headed home. When Benny and The Jets came on the radio, Jamie and I felt the need to sing along at the top of our lungs to all 4 words of the song that we know. Then Chad said that he's always thought the New York Jets should hire a quarterback named Benny. In my loopy exhausted state of mind, that sounded like the most profound thing I'd ever heard.

Then Jamie started telling the guys about the lady getting her neck threaded in the middle of the mall. I don't remember who said what but the conversation went something like this:

Seriously?
I know, right?! Who does that?
She might as well just hop up in the chair and ask to get her bikini line done.
Brazilian.
(then suddenly we all had Asian accents)
You just drop trou, I take care of you.
Ohhhh, this going to take a while.
I need assistant for job like this.
CLEAR MY SCHEDULE!
We use rope instead of thread. It better.

Yeah. Good times.

5 comments:

Nancy said...

Just got home from Katy...wish I'd seen your high jinks! LOL

cjsrq said...

You are just as funny in writing as you are in a video. Thanks for all the chuckles.

SkylersDad said...

I can totally hear the asian conversation! By the way, the mall on the west side of the denver metro area has 4 (I counted because I couldn't believe it) of those eyebrow threading things!

Tina Shupe said...

I'm so glad I found your blog via youtube tp paper tub journal,

you are so funny! I'v read your blog and bookmarded you to keep coming back for more laughs!! lol!

plus~ my young daughter 22 is back & forth out of houston...
fun to read about things in your city!

fellow Texan

ChristineMM said...

You are so funny! Have you seen the mani pedi in Wal mart by registers? Everyone can watch you getting your foot callouses sloughed off! I find the noise of Wal Mart stressful and would not relax if getting a pedi done there.