Crackling With Elmer's

I hope you're not still buying expensive crackling medium at the craft store for all your crackle finish needs. You do know there's another way, right? It's cheap, easy and effective. I'll show you how.

You start with whatever it is you want to put a crackle finish on. It works on just about any surface. I've crackled both wood and metal. Today I'm crackling a wooden frame I got at a thrift store for $3. It's actually a nice frame but all the other frames on my wall are light colored and this one just overpowers the whole wall.

I taped off the areas I didn't want to get paint on. Whatever color your item is now is the color that will show through the crackles. So if you want the base color to be different, paint it now. I thought the golden brown color of the frame would look fine showing through the crackles. Actually, I was just too lazy to paint it.

Now you slap on a fairly thick layer of plain ol' Elmer's glue. I buy it by the gallon at WalMart because I use it for a lot of different thing. Sometimes I even use it as glue.

I found instructions for this technique on several different websites and they were all a little different. One site said a thin layer of glue won't crackle, another said a thin layer of glue will give you finer crackles. I avoided this controversy all together by just using a thick layer of glue.

You're supposed to let the glue set just until it's tacky. Don't let it dry all the way or it won't crackle. Personally, I wasn't aware that Elmer's ever got tacky. In my experience it goes from extremely wet to extremely wet but with a skin on top. Then 4 days later it's dry and whatever you put it on is buckled beyond all repair. That's the joy of Elmer's.

One website said it should be tacky in about 5 minutes. Another said it should be tacky in just over one hour but under two hours. Normally I would average two conflicting suggestions but that's a big dang gap. So here's what I did. I brushed on a thick layer of glue then played Zuma Blitz while waiting for it to tack up. I got my best score EVER in Zuma so naturally I got all absorbed and played a bunch more games and forgot all about my wet glue. By the time I remembered it was mostly dry. You could call that a mistake but I prefer to call it research. Each game of Zuma lasts one minute and I only have 9 lives so I probably wasn't playing for more than about 15 minutes. That bit of valuable research told me that the one hour drying time must be for people who live under water and I should use the 5 minute drying time suggestion. See? Research.

I slapped on another layer of glue then tried not to wander too far away from the table or else I'd forget about it again. I used the leftover glue that I left sitting out in a bowl so it had thickened up and started drying faster. I liked that and decided to make sure I leave the glue out for a while before using it since it not only dries faster but it sticks better since it's not so runny. I really hate Elmer's glue, I just have to say that.

For the record, I don't think it ever got what I would call tacky. In fact it was still pretty wet when I brushed the paint over it. I think the key is just to make sure that you're able to paint over it without mixing the paint with the wet glue. Letting the glue thicken helped with that a lot. Also, you want to load your brush with lots of paint so that you can cover an area with one stroke. If you go back over it or use back and forth strokes, you are more likely to get some glue mixed in with your paint and then your crackle is screwed.

I did the four sides of my frame one at a time which worked just fine. If you try to do too large of an area you run the risk of your glue drying before you get the paint on it. After painting one section I moved to the next section and brushed on the glue. By the time I was ready to paint the second section, the first had already started to crackle.

Here is the finished frame which blends nicely with the rest of the frames on the wall. Well, except for the couple that I haven't painted yet. I can't say exactly how long it took the whole thing to dry but it took a while. I set it outside in the sun (100 degree sun) for a couple of hours which worked great.

I have a theory about how this works. I don't know for sure and it's not like it matters but it fascinates me so I have to try to figure it out. I think that Elmer's glue buckles paper so badly partly because it's such a wet glue and partly because it seems to shrink as it dries. Shrink is probably not the right word. It draws up. Paint doesn't shrink when it dries and the paint dries a heck of a lot faster than the glue. So basically the wet glue draws up under the dry paint causing it to crack. I think it's plausible. 

 

So now you know how to crackle on the cheap and believe me...you're a better person for knowing.

Don't Hate Me Because I'm A GooRu

I know I'm probably going to make a lot of people jealous with this post and I'm sorry about that but it must be done. I recently mention in another post that I am an official Goo Gone GooRu. I got that status by being contacted by the advertising agency who represents Goo Gone and evidently read something I said about it in some post that I've forgotten about. Obviously it was flattering so I'm glad I didn't do to them what I did to the Tarn-X people. I doubt I'll be getting any Tarn-X coupons any time soon.

The Goo Gone gal asked if I wanted to be an official Goo Gone GooRu. All I had to do to get this highly coveted title was share some Goo Gone tips on their Facebook page. In return I'd get some Goo Gone swag. To be honest, I thought this was some kind of hokey spam thing but I like Goo Gone and I don't mind telling people about products that I like so I agreed to be a GooRu. I figured I'd share maybe one or two tips but I wasn't going to invest a lot of energy into it until I got the swag I was promised. And that's not because I was being greedy, it's because I still wasn't sure this whole thing was legit. I've seen companies deceive consumers to get free market research so it wouldn't have surprised me to find that this was something similar.

I was surprised that the gal who first contacted me kept in touch with me and sent updates as to the status of the swag shipments. She even asked my t-shirt size. I started to think I might actually get some free stuff from them.

In her last correspondence, the marketing gal said that the packages had been shipped but it could be 4 weeks before I received it. That was on a Friday. The following Tuesday Fed Ex dropped a Goo Gone goodie bag on my doorstep! I just love it when people do what they say they're going to do. That's so rare.

Here are the contents of my Goo Gone goodie bag. Try not to be too envious. Even though I'm a GooRu, I'm still human just like you. Well, just like you only better.  

As you can see, I received a Goo Gone tote bag full of highly collectible Goo Gone paraphernalia. I haven't worn my t-shirt yet, I'm waiting to debut it at just the right special event.

Although my letter wasn't handwritten and personalized like I thought it should be, it was printed on a nice glossy paper so I'll give points for that.

I will also award extra bonus points for the bumper sticker which I must admit is extremely clever and the marketing genius who came up with it deserves a pat on the back. However, I was slightly disappointed to receive a tiny bottle of Goo Gone instead of the full size product. The tiny bottle might have been more tolerable if a $1 off coupon for a full size bottle had accompanied it but it did not. Goo Gone should have consulted me before they made that little faux pas.

Next to the bumper sticker my favorite item in the goodie bag has to be this scraper. Notice the ergonomic thumb indention. I am very impressed with not only its functionality but with the overall design of the piece which is pleasing to the eye as well as to the touch. Kudos Goo Gone! I also received 5 Goo Gone rags which I will use as my designated sticky removal rags. That was a very thoughtful and useful item to include.

I have to say that I am very pleased with my Goo Gone swag and I will fulfill my obligation to share my Goo Gone success stories. I actually have them on a regular basis since I frequent thrift stores who like to price their items with a grease pencil instead of a price tag. This is an effective way to keep shoppers from switching price tags on items (shameful as it may be I'm sure it happens) but it's a royal pain to get the grease pencil off some items, especially wood. All I can say is thank God for Goo Gone, otherwise these items would be ruined and I would be out tens of dollars. 

Weekends at Casa del Verde

Our friends from Lafayette, Chad & Jamie and 2 of their kids, came for a visit this weekend. We always have fun with them and enjoy them being here. It's not always easy staying in someone else's house and you often feel like you'd be more comfortable in a hotel. But they seem to feel comfortable here and they're no trouble at all for us so it works out.

Just so you can get a feel for the tone of the weekend, here are some memorable quotes:

"Hold on Mom, I gotta finish killing the princess."

"Eat a good breakfast so we're not tempted by the meat on a stick."

"We have a rogue ear plug baby, better check your butt crack."

"Is that a spatula in your pants or are you just happy to see me?"

"M & Ms are supposed to melt in your mouth, not in your crotch."

"Is that a stick of bamboo or are you just happy to see me?"

We get along so well because they're just as inappropriate as we are. 

We spent half of Saturday walking around Traders Village in 100 degree heat. That's my excuse for our inexcusable behavior at the Sausage On A Stick stand. This is the highlight of the Traders Village experience for Jayson, who never met a sausage on a stick that he didn't love.

Chad was a little doubtful at first, maybe because his conscience was telling him not to follow his friend down a path that could lead him to behavior he might later regret.

Chad's facial expression went from bad...

...to worse.

Obviously Jiminy Cricket had the day off because not only did Chad follow his friend down the forbidden path of the sausage on a stick, but he took his wife with him. The whole incident was like a modern reenactment of the Garden of Eden with Jamie playing the role of Adam who took the sausage from Eve (Chad) because he had been deceived by the serpent. That would make my husband the serpent. Oh well, it's not the first time!

Check out Chad's expression now.

As if the Thibodeaux children hadn't been scarred enough already, they then had to witness a set of exposed plastic butt cheeks wearing some kind of funky peek-a-boo butt lift panties. I had to pose next to the mannequin legs just to show that women don't need artificial enhancements to look beautiful and shapely in their baggy overall shorts they got at Goodwill. In fact, I was looking so stylish that a woman stopped me on the street just to compliment me on my sense of style. See?? I can still turn the heads of drunk flea market lesbians without the butt lift panties.

With my freak magnet still pulling 4 G's I managed to attract the attention of not only drunk flea market lesbians but the proprietors of one of the booths. We'll call them Bob and Sue. I was just casually looking through all their goodies, not even taking a particular interest in anything when I made a huge mistake. That's right. I accidentally made eye contact with Bob just as I was leaving his booth. I had to chew my own leg off to get away but not before I had the whole story of Bob's cancer and how he wouldn't have made it without Sue and how this was their first weekend at Traders Village but they have an eBay shop that I can visit any time. And since they live in Magnolia and I'm in Cypress, if I see anything I want in their eBay shop I should send them an email instead of bidding and they'll remove it from the auction. I won't have to pay full postage, maybe just a couple of dollars and they will meet me at the Wal Mart in Tomball with my goodies because they're not about taking advantage of people, they just try to make an honest living.

Seriously, they were nice people and I shouldn't make fun of them but I had just unwillingly invested 20 minutes of my life into their life story and all I could think about was how I hoped they made enough money at the market to buy a second set of false teeth since they were obviously sharing one set and it appeared that Sue got them at meal time.

I know, that's unbelievably awful of me but it was hot and I was cranky.

After we had sweated down to half our body weight, we went to James Coney Island to bulk up before the next stop on our journey. Jayson and Chad were particularly excited about getting to spend the rest of the afternoon at Sam Moon! They didn't complain nearly as much as we thought they would, maybe because it was nice and air conditioned in there.

If you've never been to a Sam Moon you really should go. They have the mother lode of cheap jewelry and accessories for women. They have about a million purses of all styles and price ranges as well as luggage, tote bags, belts, scarves, hats and gift items. They even have hair, which I was surprised Chad didn't buy.

This Sam Moon has some really cute clothes and shoes too but they're a little pricey. They had some adorable boho looking lace shirts for $25-$30 each and the sandals I liked were $54! Pretty much everything in the store is probably made by 6 year olds in Chinese sweatshops so there's really no reason for anything to cost over $10. And most of it doesn't. You can get some cute crystal chandelier earrings for $5.

In their section of gift items and travel supplies Jamie spotted this travel urinal for women. Of course we were fascinated by it and even had to Google it for more information when we got home. They advertise that you can use it standing, sitting or lying down and it is leak proof and reusable. We agreed that this product is so stupid it definitely had to be made by man who has no clue how we work.

When I got up Sunday morning I came downstairs to find that the coffee was already made and Chad & Jamie were unloading the dishwasher. Obviously, this made me happy :) Not just because they saved me from having to do it but because they're comfortable enough here to root around in the kitchen to find what they need. I like a house guest who is comfortable enough to open the fridge and say, "I'm hungry, whaddya got?" Cuz then I say, "sandwich stuff, make it yourself." And we all get along great!

Actually we might be getting a little too comfortable with each other. I am a compulsive labeler and will stick a label on just about everything in my house. I do this because sometimes my family, bless their hearts, is stupid. It irritates me to have to constantly tell them where to find something or where to put it away so I solve this problem by clearly labeling everything so that they can do it themselves. I figure that way everybody wins. And nobody dies.

After seeing my kitchen drawers labeled "coupons" and "receipts" and my bread box labeled "bread", Chad said he expected to see my furniture labeled "chair", "table", etc. Then he picked up my bottle of olive oil (which pretty much everyone calls EVOO now, right?) and asked what it was. He was acting like he was all confused because the bottle didn't have a label on it. Smart ass. I immediately fixed it by attaching a clearly marked label:

We went to Chinatown to explore the Hong Kong City Mall. As if getting around in Houston wasn't difficult enough, this is what the street signs in the Chinatown area look like:

There's plenty of Asian architecture in Chinatown and everyone drives the way people in China drive: badly. As soon as we stepped inside the mall Jayson and I were both instantly transported back to the trip to China we took in 1998. We were the only white people there, we were taller than everyone else and the whole place smelled like feet. Aaahhh memories. Jamie and I felt like we blended fairly well despite our fair complexions since we were both carrying our new Sam Moon purses. We bought them from an Asian lady in an Asian store so that makes us practically Asian. 

Hong Kong City Mall parking lot.

My new Sam Moon purse.

The Hong Kong Supermarket is at the center of the mall and seems to be "the" place to be on a Sunday afternoon in Chinatown. After browsing through a few of the aisles we could see why. You can buy a gallon can of olive oil for $15 and the salmon heads were on special for $1.99/pound. The fish area of the market was particularly pungent and filled with all kinds of fresh and frozen fish, crabs, snails, stingray, shrimp, and other unidentifiable delicacies.

The grocery shopping carts are lined up inside the mall so that you can push your cart around the mall and into the different stores, not just the grocery store. That was weird. People would come out of the grocery store with bags of noodles and huge spiny fruits, then they'd push their grocery cart over to the shoe store then into the bubble tea shop. If you do buy a bubble tea at the mall I recommend you go to the shop right across from the supermarket and get the coconut flavored one. I had a sip of Jamie's and it was delish, even though I like mine without the snot balls at the bottom. All the teas are made with fresh fruit and there's a little Asian girl in the back beating on a sugar cane to use for the sweetener. That's just good stuff.

Grocery carts in the mall.

A masked Thibodeaux.

Jayson bought a BB handgun because that's what almost 50 year old men do. The kids got toys, Jamie got jewelry, I got origami paper, Chad got a stick of bamboo. Jamie also bought 2 money trees that I also feel very invested in for some reason. Maybe because we had to Google them to find out what they were. They basically look like marijuana with a braided trunk. Hers are small right now so we expect they'll only produce small bills for a while. Maybe by this time next year they'll be dropping 100s. If the money trees die...well we just don't want to think about what that means.

A money tree with braided trunk.

Jayson eating a "cupcake".

We had a great weekend but by the end of it the kids were completely exhausted from all the fun, so much so that they fell asleep in the middle of Phineas and Ferb. Aren't they cute??

Suitcase Thongs, A Wedding Dress in a Jar, and Satan's Minions

I usually post my daily projects to Facebook but I've been busy recently and let it slide. Not the daily projects, just the posting. I figured I'd just catch up here while I have a few minutes to spare...and a headache that makes me not want to do anything else. Except eat. Some people go by that old adage "feed a cold, starve a fever". At my house it's "feed a cold, feed a fever, feed a headache, feed a hangnail...".

I'll start with a good idea gone bad. Remember when I made a towel holder out of a vintage suitcase? I wanted something to hold the hand towels inside the lid and a friend suggested using a pair of suspenders...children's suspenders to be exact. Those aren't easy to find at a thrift store but I did find some adult suspenders and decided to give it a try.

Is it just me or does it look like my suitcase is wearing a thong?? I'm gonna have to rethink this one. If I can't find suspenders small enough I'll just cut these down and arrange them to look more suspender-like.

I recently picked up this thrift store wedding dress with the intention of taking it a part and using the fabric, lace, beads and appliques for different projects. Let me tell you, I have a new respect for wedding dress makers and the cost of these dresses. Anything that difficult to take apart had to be a beast to put together.

Now that it's all done, I have a wedding dress in a jar! Or pieces of a wedding dress in a couple of jars. The fabric is all folded up in my fabric stash, this is just the fun doo dads I get to play with.

I went to Goodwill a few days ago and found a couple of treasures.  One is this lamp that looks perfect in the guest bedroom. I expected I would be rewiring again but I didn't have to do anything to it except clean it up a little. And it was only $9.

I also picked up this Russian-English Chemical and Polytechnical Dictionary. I know you're jealous. Obviously I bought it for the pages which have an unusual glossy finish and those funky Russian words.

When we moved from Lafayette to Houston it took quite a while for me to find everything since our movers were pretty creative with their packing techniques. The one item I still haven't found is my sugar spoon. It was a plain brass spoon with a round bowl and it belonged to my great grandmother. I'm sure it's here somewhere, I just haven't found where they cleverly packed it.

In the mean time I decided to get another sugar spoon. Before you ask, no I can't just use a regular spoon from the drawer. I even have sugar spoons that go to my sets of silverware but that's not what I want either. I like different. I found this little cutie at Goodwill for $1.99. I'd never seen a spoon shaped like this before so I had to Google it to find out what it was. Fortunately I could read the Reed and Barton stamp on the back so that narrowed it down. I found that it's part of their Harlequin pattern and it's a jelly spoon. Of course! I should have known. I don't know how I've served jelly all these years without it. I also found that it costs $49.99 at Replacements.com so I got a pretty good deal.













I've been making paper flowers from a book that has some pretty pastel colored pages. I love the flowers and decided to put them on the ledge of my staircase along with some wedding dress lace. It doesn't look so great right now because all my little knick knacks are still living on that ledge but hopefully they won't be there forever. I'm still searching for just the right (almost free) curio cabinet.

I also worked on my book page garland that no one but me likes. It's a little peculiar and probably not hanging in the best place but it's growing on me. I wrapped the top of the banister with muslin and added the little tassel things at each end which I think helped a lot. It may not live there permanently but it's fine for now.

Recently someone asked how I dust all my knick knacks and stuff. I don't. It's not that I ignore them until they're buried in dust and dog hair (okay fine, sometimes I do), it's just that I usually don't leave stuff alone long enough for it to accumulate too much dust. I'm constantly rearranging and moving stuff, not because I'm dissatisfied with they way they are but because I enjoy experimenting with new looks. It's probably the only exception to my life rule that change is bad.

One recent change is that I took all my jewelry off this thrift store rack and moved it downstairs. I'm still looking for platters to use as shelves then it might make a nice display for some of my unbreakable curios.  Right now it's just sitting where I can stare at it until I'm inspired. I hung a silk scarf on it that I got at a thrift store for $1.50. The beads and tassels just scream 1983 and I love it!

I think this little porcelain bisque doll belonged to my mother and I'm not quite sure why I have her. Dolls are the evil minions of Satan and I don't like them in my house. Unfortunately this one sort of goes with my decor so I'm trying to make peace with her. I gave her a bath and washed her clothes and I think she actually looks happier now. Which is creepy.

Did you know that you can take the guts out of a light bulb and use it for stuff? I've seen them made into ornaments, shrines, mini terrariums, vases, snow globes, even filled with cement. I really have no need for an empty light bulb but I found instructions for how to do it and since it's something I've never done before I had to try. It actually worked. And I didn't even cut myself! You do have to break some of the internal glass pieces but if you do it carefully no one gets hurt.

Some friends are coming to stay with us for the weekend so I've got to run to the store for more junk food. The last friend who stayed with us said that I eat like a college student. I'm not really sure what she meant by that but I'm going to pretend it was a compliment.

My Wish List

Between the wish and the thing life lies waiting.
--Traditional Proverb

I wish I had better skin. I wish I didn't have to look at rosacea and hormonal dark patches every day.

I wish I had soft feet.

I wish I knew what it was like to be "the pretty one" instead of "the smart one".

I wish aging was easier and not accompanied by failing health.

I wish politics would go away.

I wish Israel would give the Palestinian people the West Bank and the Gaza Strip. I feel bad that the Palestinian people have no land to call home.

I wish there was a home for all the homeless people.

I wish there was a job available for everyone who wanted one.

I wish college didn't cost so much. I wish every high school graduate could attend college if they chose to.

I wish I had a staff to do the cooking, cleaning and grocery shopping for me. I don't want to live in a mansion, I like my house just fine. I just don't like taking care of it. If I had a staff I would treat them like family and include them on vacations and holidays and I would do nice things for their children.

I wish I knew what I wanted to be when I grow up. I feel bad that I have no goals or ambition.

I wish disabilities would go away, especially for children. If they have to exist, I wish there were better services for the families of disabled children.

I wish Social Security actually worked. I wish it would generously support those who have worked all their lives so they can relax in their golden years.

I wish everyone knew and loved Jesus. I wish all Christians, myself included, would act just like him so they would attract people to him rather than repel them from him.

I wish people in general were nicer.

I wish I had better people skills.

I wish I was better at keeping in touch with old friends instead of letting them slip away. I wish they knew I think about them often.

I wish I knew how to turn off my brain. I wish I could clear my mind so that I could just sit and "be" without falling asleep.

I wish I didn't have narcolepsy.

I wish I knew what it was like to not be tired.

I wish I knew what it felt like to wake up in the morning and feel rested.

I wish I understood love better. I have a much better grasp on it than I used to but I'm still not sure what it is, what it looks like or what it feels like.

I wish sex was easier to talk about, especially with young people.

I wish hormones could be bottled up and kept safe until the appropriate time to release them.

I wish addiction didn't exist.

I wish forgiveness was easy. So easy in fact that no one would ever harbor resentment or bitterness.

I wish no one ever went hungry. I feel bad when I throw out bananas that I forgot to eat.

I wish my wishes were less selfish. Most of them have something to do with my own personal comfort.

I wish everyone who has wishes could feel joy and contentment even when their wishes remain unfulfilled.