Monday, October 25, 2010

What to Exect When You're Socially Awkward

Last week I was trolling through some of the blogs that I follow and I noticed that Beta Dad had some kind of contest going on.  I'm embarrassingly noncompetitive so I normally just skim over those things but this one caught my eye.

From what I understand, the folks who publish the What To Expect When You're Expecting books contacted Beta Dad and asked him to write a review/endorsement of their books and in exchange they would provide him with several copies to give away to his readers.

Beta Dad turned it into a contest where his readers could share their embarrassing sex ed stories and his wife would choose her 12 favorites to receive one of the books.  Since my life is pretty much one long embarrassing sex ed story after another, I had a couple of things to share.

Oddly enough, I won a book.  I don't have much of a need for it at this point in my life, but I will pass it along to one of my pregnant friends.  Since Jayson had a vasectomy about 10 years ago, if I ended up pregnant now, the book I would need would be What To Expect When You're in Divorce Court.

Tomorrow night I will be meeting some of the other local loonies who are participating in NaNoWriMo.  We're meeting for coffee at the CC's on Ambassador at Congress at 6:00 p.m.

I'm telling you this in case one of them ends up being some kind of freaky serial killer who poses as a literary geek who tries to write a 50,000 word novel every November.  He lures his victims to a crowded coffee house and gets her wired on espresso in the hopes that her hyper alertness will cause temporary disorientation and frequent trips to the bathroom where he can grab her and take her back to his evil lair.  One he has his victim on his turf, the real horror begins.  Too much caffeine makes the killer too jittery to kill his victim without causing serious injury to himself, so instead he forces her to play Guess Which Jackie Collins Novel is My Favorite until she loses the will to live and does a swan dive off his third floor balcony just to stop the pain.

Tragic, I know.

When it comes to meeting new people, I have this love/hate thing going on.  I like meeting new people cuz the old ones get boring after a while.  But I'm always a little apprehensive at first because these things tend to show off my lack of social skills.  I get a little nervous and when that happens I start to babble uncontrollably and I can hear myself saying the most ridiculously idiotic things but I can't stop myself so I will drink more coffee to occupy my mouth but that just throws fuel on the fire.

By the end of the night I will be exhausted and embarrassed but I guess that's okay if the alternative is death by Jackie Collins.


Mayn said...

A word of advice: DO NOT accept the What To Expect When Your Expecting book!!!! It will weaken the surgical birth control force field that you and I depend so heavily on!!! It will end up like the time mother gave away our port-a-crib! Let the book go to one of the runner-ups. It's the only way!

SkylersDad said...

I would buy the book what to expect when you are socially awkward!

Shannon Green said...

Now there's a book I could write!

Mayn, I've thought about that but since Jayson is working in Houston now, I feel relatively safe from the bad juju a pregnancy book carries with it. But I will light a candle and say a prayer just in case.