Monday, February 13, 2012

Hard Water On Steroids and Satanic Clowns

Today I spent 3 hours scrubbing the hard water deposits off the glass in my shower. That's 3 real hours, not 3 exaggerated for effect hours. We have extremely hard water here but so far I haven't been able to convince my landlord that it would be in their best interest to install a water softening system. I guess they want to wait until the pipes gunk up so badly that all the plumbing has to be replaced.

In the mean time, I battle mineral deposits on a daily basis. I have tried every product, store-bought and homemade, available to me and nothing works. Well, everything works a little bit but nothing I've tried has removed all of the deposits. Even good old fashioned elbow grease doesn't work.

My hard water laughs at Lime Away and CLR. It punches citric acid in the face. It sticks its tongue out at the paste I made from baking soda and peroxide. I even brought out the big guns and started scrubbing for all I was worth with steel wool. And I'm talking about #3 steel wool, not that wimpy #000. I was practically scrubbing with shrapnel. My mineral deposits crumbled the steel wool as if it was a shredded wheat biscuit.

I have the grandmother of all hard water. I have hard water on steroids. Nuclear hard water. Your hard water wishes it was my hard water. I have hard water times 10. Hard water with sprinkles on top. My hard water could beat up your hard water with its eyes closed. 

When it was all said and done I had slightly fewer mineral deposits than I did this morning and a back ache to go with them. I also had a slight headache probably from mixing household chemicals in an attempt to make my hard water choke and die. I did make sure to get plenty of fresh air for myself so that I wouldn't get that disease that you can get from mixing cleaners. What's it called?? Oh yeah. Death. Not to worry, I didn't mix ammonia and bleach. I do know that's bad and besides, I'm pretty sure my hard water would be immune.

My hard work also rewarded me with a flare up of my rosacea which gives me big red splotches on my cheeks and nose. It makes me look somewhat like a clown which I might find amusing if I wasn't convinced that clowns are the evil minions of Satan who hide under my bed so they can grab my ankles when I'm turning in for the night. Then they drag me under the bed which, as we all know, is where the portal to the netherworld is located. And, as we also know, the netherworld is populated by evil clowns and antique dolls with teeth who chase you so they can bite you while they laugh at you.

And that is why I love Jesus.

It's not so much about my sin or being a better person or caring for others. I just don't want to go to the hell that my imagination has vividly created for me.

Since I was in the cleaning mode I also cleaned the big whirlpool tub that we have and never use. This is the second house we've lived in that has one of these lovely yet useless (for us) features. I usually just dust it out but once a month I fill it with bleach water and run it to....well I don't really know why I do that. I just know that the plumber told me I should so I do it.

Then I finished off the bathroom cleaning the same way I do a couple of times a year: with furniture oil. I use that or car wax, whichever I happen to have on hand. That's a trick I learned from a friend who used to clean houses for realtors and home builders. Once you get your shower doors sparkling clean (or as clean as they can get), rub them down with that lemon oil furniture polish stuff. I use Old English. It keeps hard water and soap scum from sticking as badly. The stuff's gonna stick cuz that's what it does, but the lemon oil will slow it down considerably and it makes everything look nice and shiny.

I use it on the shower doors and the tile on the walls but not the tile on the floor because the oil is slippery and that would be dangerous. Who would be stupid enough to do that without thinking? Not me, that's for sure. No siree, I'd never oil my shower floors. Just like I'd never oil my wood floors thinking that the oil would be good for the wood but not thinking that oiled wood + socks = busted tail bones. Nope, I'm not that gal either.

I really should hire a housekeeper for my own safety.


khebert said...

Did you ever have a chance to try the Gel Gloss I told you about a while back? Believe me, it works! The house on Lasa has both an iron filter & a water softener, with 2 cartridge pre-filters installed at the front of the line. Even so, the mineral & iron content is still so bad that it is a constant battle. Gel Gloss is the only thing I found that really works; it involves some elbow grease, but has kept my fixtures looking like new. LimeAway & CLR does NOTHING in comparison to Gel Gloss.

Shannon Green said...

Kelly I haven't tried it yet. I couldn't find it then forgot about it then remembered it but couldn't remember the name! So it's Gel Gloss? And where do you buy it?

khebert said...

The only 2 places I know of is Lowe's & Home Depot. Both stores used to carry both the aerosol can & the liquid, but I think that now, one carries only the liquid (which is about the same consistency as Brasso), & the other carries only the aerosol...but that's here in Lafayette, so over there, you might be able to pick up both at either store. I use both, equally...the spray is really good around the parts of the fixture that is hard to get to with the liquid...& one thing I find that really helps on chrome fixtures is using an electric toothbrush to distribute it evenly. It's great for using in sinks & on countertops, on shower doors, & on the shower walls, too.