Friday, May 25, 2012

Decorative Weapons, Art Instruments, and Malfunctioning Undergarments

I have forgotten to blog lately. It's not that I've been so busy that I couldn't squeeze it in. I just forgot. This is how I killed the 4 other blogs I used to have before this one. I neglected them to death.

Oh well.

Let me see if I have anything interesting to talk about. Oh yes. Last weekend during a marathon shopping trip at Kroger the elastic waist band in my underwear 'lost its integrity' and started inching its way down. Fortunately I was wearing pants so it could only go so far but they were baggy elastic waist pants so I felt them inch further down with every step. Okay, the pants weren't nearly as hideous as they sound. Think scrubs.

Anyway, I gave them a discreet tug when I could but the store was crowded so it became increasingly difficult to do so without drawing attention to myself. Since I was confident they wouldn't hit the floor, I eventually just let them go. Jayson was with me and every 10 minutes or so he'd ask where they were. By the time we got to the car they were about mid-thigh.

I guess things like that wouldn't happen if I would buy new underwear more than once every decade but it's just not a priority these days.

Here are my recent priorities:

 I cleaned out my garage and could even get a car in there if I wanted to. But I don't.
Clean garage.

While cleaning out the garage I came across some rusty old tools that we will never use but they were just too fabulous to throw away. I brought them inside and put them in an old brass bucket where they can just sit and be fabulous.
Fabulous rusty tools.

This utility cart began life as a nice shade of filing cabinet putty. I painted it eggplant purple to match our last house then painted it...other colors to match this house. I guess it's sort of aqua/turquoisey.
Utility cart after.
Utility cart before.

This concrete column used to have a silver gazing ball on top until I broke it shortly before we moved. There was nothing wrong with the column so I kept it and glued my Grandmother's big Fostoria crystal platter on top to make a little table. Right now it's in my dining room holding that cheesy covered wagon lamp.
Platter table.
Covered wagon lamp.

I attached old rusty things to an old rusty saw and hung it outside next to our front door. I told Taylor that I put a curse on it so that if anyone steals it they will get tetanus and die from lock jaw. Someone stealing it never crossed her mind. She's more concerned that someone will break into the house and kill us with it. Gee I never thought of that.
Wind chime or weapon?

I put our DVDs in DiscSox sleeves, made some dividers for them and put them in this old metal toolbox that Jayson made when he was a kid.
Approximately 50 DVDs.

I found this broken wine rack at a thrift store. I brought it home, fixed it, painted it, and put it in Taylor's bathroom to hold extra towels.
Wine rack towel rack.

I painted a wire rack that I'd had lying around for years and hung it on a wall with the wooden shoes that Jayson brought back from Holland. I made coffee filter flowers to stick in the shoes and that just about cured my obsession with coffee filter flowers.
Wooden shoes & coffee filter flowers.

I've been trying to get my beads under control in the art room for several weeks now. I started out putting them in empty egg cartons but changed my mind and decided to use these clear boxes that Jayson gave me about 12 years ago. They were throwing them out at the warehouse where he used to work so he brought them home since he knew I'd love them.
Beads in boxes and bottle caps.

Yesterday I decided to paint the yucky little table leg thing that I got at an antique store for $6. I filled a couple of big cracks with spackle but didn't do any other sanding or prepping. I mixed up some pink homemade chalk paint: dissolve plaster of paris in an equal amount of hot water then stir in 3 times as much paint. Of course I used some pink Oops paint that I picked up at Lowe's for $5.00 a gallon. I can't remember how much I paid for the plaster but everything together was still waaayyy cheaper than buying real chalk paint which runs about $40 for a QUART. I don't freakin' think so.

Everything else I used I already had on hand. After painting the leg pink, I mixed some brown paint with a glazing medium and glazed over the pink paint to make it look more vintage and less babyish. Then when everything was dry I waxed it with a finishing paste which gave it a soft sheen. Then I used sticky tack to attach a silverplated tray on top to display my crown. I used sticky tack because I would like to find a larger tray to permanently attach to the leg but this one will do for now.
Icky random "leg".
Pretty random "leg".

I dug my old violin out of the attic and was considering arting on it like I did this guitar that I found in a trash can. I thought it might be a good idea to research the violin first since I don't want to art all over it if it has any real value at all. I found several just like it selling for over $200 on some auction sites so now I'm not sure if I should mess with it or not.

I'm not really into antiques as an investment and I don't hang on to stuff because it might be valuable some day. Everything will be valuable some day if you keep it long enough but I have no interest in hanging on to a house full of junk for the sake of "some day" that I will never see. Antiques are a bad investment unless you have something that's valuable NOW.

I have a house full of old stuff but the only value that any of it has is sentimental because it belonged to a great grandmother or something like that. Everything I have will be Taylor's some day and she might decide to throw it all out and that's okay. I wouldn't want to make her feel like she had to keep all her mother's old junk. 
Art guitar & kiddie violin
 
I know one thing Taylor will keep is my collection of souvenir kitchen towels. Some are cotton, some are linen, some belonged to my grandmother, others I bought at antique stores. Some are old from the 30s and 40s, others are from the 70s and 80s. We use them every day and Taylor has said that she will use the same kind of towels in her kitchen because she loves going to the drawer and always finding a clean towel when she needs one. And there are always 2 or 3 out on the counter that are being used. Some of them might have been valuable "some day" if I'd kept them in pristine condition but I don't care about that. We use them and love them today.  
Souvenir kitchen towels.

My next big project will be to convert my grandfather clock into a curio cabinet. Because I have lots of curios that need to be cabineted. I've been looking for a curio cabinet for almost 2 years and have found several that I like but just wasn't willing to pay for. Then one day I decided that my grandfather clock wasn't doing us a bit of good in its current non-working state and I have no intention of getting the thing running again. A few years ago we spent a fortune having it cleaned and repaired and it was functioning great but the thing about grandfather clocks is that they are needy and high maintenance. You have to wind them every day and manually change them for daylight savings and it has to be done a certain way or the timing gets all screwed up. I'm just not good with things that need my attention on a daily basis. My family will vouch for me on that. 

I took good care of it for a while because the clock repairman in Lafayette intimidated me and I was afraid if he found out I wasn't taking care of the clock he would fuss at me. He did that to me with my wrist watch. I've had this really nice dress watch since high school that I wear as my every day watch. It quit working one day so I took it in for him to look at it. He opened up the back and fussed at me because the inside had rust in it. He said I shouldn't be wearing the watch every day, just on special occasions. Then I should store it carefully when it's not being worn because the humidity in South Louisiana will get in there and make it rusty. The silly watch was fine for 20 years but after he fussed at me and cleaned it I stuck it in a jewelry box and haven't worn it since then. I guess now that we've moved I can wear it again. I'll just have to find me a less fussy clock/watch guy.

I like for everything we own to have a purpose whether it's functional or decorative. The clock has ceased to be functional and although it looks nice, I don't consider a broken clock to be all that decorative. Especially one that takes up an awful lot of space. After staring at it for a while I decided that it's already practically a curio cabinet since it has a door and lots of glass. All I would need to do is gut it, paint it, and add shelves. Easy breezy, right?

I might actually leave the clock part in the top since it's pretty even though it doesn't work. But I had to remove the chimes because they hung down in the back where my shelves will go and I had to take the whole clock part out just to get to the chimes. It had to be done anyway since I'm going to paint it.

I will be mixing up chalk paint for it like I did on the little pink table leg but I might actually buy a real gallon of paint for it since I know what color I want and can't rely on finding it on the Oops shelf at the hardware store. I would like to paint it a warm white which will match my dining table and hutch that I'll paint to match...someday. Maybe if I go ahead and buy the paint I will be more inclined to start working on the other pieces sooner since I will feel bad about wasting money on a whole gallon of paint for just one piece.

I have no idea what kind of shelves and brackets to buy but I guess I can figure all that out after I get the body painted. It was a little bit liberating to take the clock apart and imagine the clock guy in Lafayette having an aneurism over it. I even touched the weights with my BARE hands. Oh my gosh he would die if he knew that. The weights should only be handled with gloves since the slightest amount of oil from your skin can affect them.

I might even drill a hole in the middle of the pendulum to make a wall clock out of it. Clock Guy would definitely die a thousand deaths if he knew about that. The guy was really good at what he did, don't get me wrong. I would recommend him in a heartbeat. He just related to clocks a lot better than he did to people.
Grandfather clock curio cabinet.

I haven't done much of anything else over the past few weeks, I think this is it. I keep thinking that eventually I will run out of things to fix up, redo or try but for now I've got plenty on my plate. Plus I often break things which keeps me busy. I broke my computer a couple of weeks ago. After 4 Apple tech support guys failed to fix my problem, one little gal named Amanda figured it out. Of course it was caused by user error but I never do anything half way. If you're going to screw something up, screw it up good.

Right now I'm having another electronic issue with my TV and sound bar. The TV is a Sony and the sound bar is a JVC. Tech support from both places have not been able to figure out what the problem is. The TV works fine, the sound bar works fine, they just won't work together but they should. I can't even explain all the weirdness that is happening with those but the Sony people think it's a TV problem. They are ordering a part (that I am pretty sure we don't need) and as soon as that part comes in they will send a tech out to fix it. I'm just excited that someone finally agreed to send a live person out here to look at it. For free.

Because I'm all about free. Or almost free. I like to save my money for more important things like snack cakes. And Blue Bell ice cream. And Oreos. But definitely not underwear.

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