Friday, December 31, 2010

Hot Steaming 2010 Succotash

This morning as I was trolling through the hundreds of blogs that I follow (and I am loyal fan to each and every one, especially whatshisface and that girl with that thing), I noticed that apparently I am supposed to do some kind of special year end post.

Some bloggers are doing a year in review type thing where they recap the highlights of their year.  Others are listing their top posts for the year, and a few bloggers are rambling on about their goals for the coming year.

I think I'm going to just mix all that together and serve up a steaming hot dish of 2010 Succotash.  Really I just like the word succotash but I never get to use it because seriously, who eats that stuff??

There are lots of different tools that bloggers can use to track their blog statistics.  Depending on which tool you choose, you can learn things like what city your visitors live in, which operating system and browser they're using, how they found your site, where they went when they left your site, and which flavor of creamer was in their coffee when they read your latest post.  It's fascinating stuff.

A few that I've used are Google Analytics, Feedburner, and Feedjit.  They're all pretty good in their own way although I must say that Google Analytics is detailed almost to the creepy point.  Still, I find myself most often turning to the little stats tool that Blogger provides on the dashboard.  It's not too detailed but still manages to fulfill my voyeuristic tendencies. 

Since I haven't even been blogging (regularly) for a full year yet and I don't go out and promote my blog so that I can get a bagillion followers like some bloggers do, my stats are sort of pathetic.   But they're mine, dang it, and I'm proud of them.

These are my top posts of 2010 as determined by their number of page views.  I'll give a short summary of each post so that you won't actually have to go read it.  God forbid.  Each one is just a small segment of my very soul.

18 Hours as a Fugitive
This is where I describe what happened when I received a Notice of Arraignment in the mail, only to discover that the date I was to have appeared in court had come and gone and now there was a warrant out for my arrest.  Dog the Bounty Hunter came to haul me off to the pokey where a very large prostitute decided I needed to be her girlfriend but that was okay because the week before I'd had a vaginal ultrasound done on my girlie goodies so that pretty much made me a lesbian.  I might have imagined some of that.

Burger King and the Cleavage Queen
This is the post where I described our plans for an Alice in Wonderland themed Halloween and showed the costumes that Jayson, Taylor and I would be wearing.  This is a really boring post that only got traffic because I posted a link to it on another blog that was doing a Halloween costume contest thing.  Either that or pixelated middle aged cleavage is in higher demand than I thought.

The Most Bestest Church Staff Ever
Here is where I posted very unflattering pictures of the people I work with and made up stories about them.  Everybody loves that.

Mini Mountains, Strip Karaoke, and Serge the Bathi...
Oh I love this one.  This post was part our Arkansas Adventure over the summer.  The highlight of our trip was our bathhouse experience where Jayson was loofahed by Serge the bathing attendant and he hasn't been right since then.  There's always a good chance something hilarious will happen when people are naked.

Insert Inappropriate Title Here
Another personal favorite, this post was inspired by the Axe Dirty Balls commercial and fueled by my fascination with all things anatomical and inappropriate.  Nuff said.

Another blog tool feature I really like is the one that shows you what word or phrase people Googled that led them to your site.  Here are some of my favorites in no particular order:

"night in jail" cuffs jumpsuit
buckstaff bath house infections
annual exam paper gown
"my arrest" handcuffs
is it legal to dig through construction dumpsters

Yes, those are the things my audience is interested in.  I'm so proud.

And finally, where do my readers live?  Which operating systems and browsers do they use?  Why do I even need to know this?  I'm not sure but it's there so apparently I need to know.  These are all in order by page views.

Operating Systems
Countries represented:

United States

I have to mention that Windows is leading Mac in the operating system category by only 2%, but Safari is beating Internet Explorer by 3% (which is good) and Firefox by 5% (which I don't understand since Safari basically sucks).

And finally, I would just like to give a personal shout out to my friends in Eastern Europe who obviously know how to represent.  Canada could learn a few things from them since they're getting beat by countries who don't even speak my language.

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