Monday, January 31, 2011

Apples Don't Grow on Trees and How to Raise & Train a Linefish

I thought I'd try to squeeze in one more blog post before I turn in my computer today.  I'm on the lookout for a good used MacBook Pro.  Jayson and I went to The Orchard last week and determined that a new one is definitely not in our immediate future.

That reminds me of a funny story about The Orchard.  A few years ago (2 or 3 maybe) I was over at Lisa's house with a bunch of the college girls from church.  One of the girls started talking about her Mac and how it needed repairs and she was frustrated that she'd have to drive all the way to Baton Rouge since there were no Apple stores in Lafayette.  I sort of caught the tail end of the conversation but I chimed in and told her that a new Apple store had just opened in Lafayette and it was called The Orchard.  Another one of the girls looked at me very sympathetically and sweetly said, "Oh Mrs. Shannon, she means Apple as in the computer, not the fruit."  I said, "Um,  yeah, that's what I mean too."  They had greatly underestimated my geekiness.

Because of my impending move, my job at Trinity Bible Church has come to an end.  I don't think it's really sunk in yet.  People have been thanking me for the work I've done there over the past 7 years and telling me what a difference I've made and how it won't be the same without me, blah, blah, blah.  Don't get me wrong, I appreciate that very much, it just makes me uncomfortable.  Compliments are hard for me.  I prefer them to be wrapped in a package of good humored sarcasm.

I was having one of these awkward conversations with someone the other day and I thanked them and told them that I am taking away from Trinity a whole lot more than I left there.  And that doesn't even include all the office supplies I stole.  Well, okay, I didn't actually steal any because I think people who steal things from churches are just asking for a huge heap of bad karma to follow them around for the rest of their lives.  I did sort of abscond with 6 file folders because they had some of my person stuff in them.  But I also left a whole bunch of my own personal art supplies so I figured it would even out in the wash.

There has been some talk around the office lately about what this blog and my Facebook posts will look like without that sort of automatic filter that comes with being a church employee.  I think this is kinda funny especially since most churches would have fired me a long time ago for some of the stuff I say.  I am very impressed and amazed that Trinity never tried to filter me, on my personal Facebook or on theirs.  Well, okay, one time I posted something that someone felt was inappropriate (and for the record, it so was NOT), but I dutifully removed it even though I didn't agree. 

Since I've pretty much been myself all along and haven't held back a whole lot, I don't see any radical changes happening here.  Unless I clean it up even more so that I can get a job with another church who might not be so accepting of my spiritual gift of sarcasm.  Not that I would deceive them...but they would need time to acclimate to me slowly so as not to go into a state of shock. 

It would sort of be like adding a new fish to your aquarium, me being the new fish.  You can't just dump it in, you have to introduce it slowly...letting it get used to its surroundings and give the other fish time to adjust to their new addition.  Then when you open the baggy and finally let her swim free, you see a joyous time of community for your little aquarium world as you witness how your fish accept the newcomer into the fold as one of their own.  And then a couple of months later you discover that what you thought was a harmless little guppy turned out to be a baby lionfish (which for years I thought was linefish because in Texas they're pronounced exactly the same).  Anyway, you wake one morning to discover that your new fish has devoured all the other fish in your tank and threatens to sting you with her spiny barbs if you dare to try to remove her from the territory she has claimed as her own.

Wait, what?


Shamayn said...

I know that leaving Trinity is going to hit you hard sometime in September so I will try and clear my schedule that month so I can dutifully lift your spirits with my foul mouth. Until then you will be having an out of body experience as if you are watching someone else pack up and move to Houston. Once you're back "home" in the motherland, you will feel better. You will wake up and realize you have no friends, no one to lean on, no one to talk to, no job to go to, nothing. Maybe...just maybe, you will have the urge to pick up your phone and call somebody..[GASP] Yes, you might have to actually make a phone call!!! When that time comes, you just call me and I will tell you how lousy my life is and make you feel all better :)

Shannon Green said...

You know me so well. The other day Dennis asked if I was sad and I nearly said, "about what?" I explained to him my delayed reaction to these things and how it could be quite some time before it hits me.

And when it does so much time will have passed that I won't make the connection and will be convinced that I've dropped yet another pill so I'll take an extra one which will make me run short at the end of the month, causing yet another hysterical meltdown.

You would think that knowing all that could prevent it from happening but not so much.