My life has been unusually boring over the past few days so I have to grab my excitement through other people's misfortune instead of my own. Today my sister Shamayn got to have all the fun. She bought a pork shoulder from Wal Mart and when she opened the package she found it still had the skin attached underneath.
She's on chemo and has to be really careful about bacteria so she called the USDA (I wouldn't even know how to do that). They told her not to eat it because bacteria could have gotten into the meat from the skin. Ya know, if that had happened to me, I'm pretty sure I would have just whacked that skin part off and eaten the rest. Well, unless it had fur.
Anyway, they also told her not to throw it away. She has to keep the pork butt and the packaging because they're sending out a representative to seize it. How fun is that?! I've never had my groceries seized before. I'm dying to know what that will look like.
Maybe it will be a bunch of guys in black suits and sunglasses with the cords in their ears like the secret service. They will put a black hood on the offending butt and throw it in the back of a black SUV. Or maybe it will be a team of scientists in hazmat suits who use giant tongs to put the pork in a special bag that will hermetically seal itself and cause the butt to go into indefinite stasis.
Okay, fine, it was a pork shoulder not a butt. But butt's funnier, right? Shamayn said she's pretty sure she'll get some guy in a flannel shirt named Bubba with 2 missing front teeth and a glass eye. I told her that wouldn't be so bad as long as when she answers the door she asks, "are you here for my butt?"