And in today's news...

I read the newspaper this morning and thought I'd give you a summary of today's most important news so you wouldn't have to waste time reading it yourself. I'm just cool like dat.

On the front page of the Houston Chronicle there was an article about the crimes committed by the wives and girlfriends of the Aryan Brotherhood of Texas. It's absolutely horrible and I wish I could go back and unread it. I won't be sharing those details with you.

I was cheered up a little bit by the next article I read which was about how more retailers are experimenting with home delivery. Over the years I have enjoyed home delivery of pizzas, Chinese food, prescriptions, water and the newspaper. There are some local grocery stores who deliver but I'm all about saving as much money as possible on groceries, not spending extra to have them brought to my door. There are dry cleaners who deliver as well but most of my jeans and t-shirts do not require that level of care.  I was, however, excited to read that Advance Auto Parts stores in Houston are now making home deliveries. The delivery fee varies depending on the amount of your purchase, but for around $10 you can have a new battery brought to you and installed by a helpful Advance Auto Parts representative who will also take away your old battery. This can be very helpful if you're stranded at home or at work with a dead battery and no one to come to your rescue. Yay Advance Auto Parts!

Bon appetit!

If you're looking for a new business venture, I would recommend you build a giant birdhouse for edible-nest swiftlets in Indonesia. A medium sized 3-story birdhouse (which looks bigger than my house) costs around $16,000 which is cost prohibitive for your average Indonesian but a drop in the buck for your average American because we're all rich, right? The houses are built in such a way that it attracts the swiftlets who then build their nests from regurgitated strands of sticky saliva. Then you would sell these nests, at $1000 per pound, to the Chinese people who cook and eat them because they believe the nests provide special health benefits, including helping young mothers regain their girlish figures after childbirth. That's right. They cook and eat bird spit. I have actually seen this on Iron Chef and quit watching the show after that because...really...YUCK.

In more bird news the fate of an entire species of parrots rests solely in the hands of Sheik Saoud of Qatar. His wildlife preservation, which began as his own personal menagerie until someone accused him of poaching, houses 55 of the 76 Spix's macaws in existence...all in captivity. The Sheik just bought a 6000 acre farm in northern Brazil where he will build a hatchery, nursery and aviary for the birds. The birds are native to Brazil but because of extensive inbreeding due to their near extinction they are unable to be released back into their natural habitat until further controlled breeding starts producing more healthy babies. I like that story. Now I feel like when I fill up my SUV with gas that's costing me $4.00/gallon, maybe I've helped save a species of bird from extinction. It's a stretch, I know.

The next article was actually more of a small blurb but the headline caught my eye: Colorado Woman Accused of Groping TSA Agent. I just can't not read that. A 61 year old woman is facing charges of felony sexual abuse for grabbing the left breast of a female TSA agent. The woman and the agent got into an argument when the woman refused to go through the passenger screening area. The woman then grabbed the agent's left breast with both hands then squeezed and twisted. I have a couple of thoughts here. My first one is...both hands??!! I'm not so much shocked and appalled that the woman grabbed the agent with both hands as I am jealous of the agent for being able to fill two hands with one breast! Some girls have all the luck. My second thought is pretty obvious: Tit for tat.