Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Google Roulette

I am playing hide and seek with my lawn guys today. They showed up this morning while I was downstairs in my jammies and I couldn't get upstairs to change clothes without being seen. This wouldn't have been so bad except they camped out at my curb for half an hour while I pretended to not be home so that I woudn't have to answer the door in my jammies.

After they left I got dressed and all was well until I had one of those uncontrollable IBS attacks that sends you straight to the bathroom and holds you captive there until it passes. Naturally, the lawn guys showed up again while I was tending to that business so all I could do was sit there and listen to them knock as I folded animal shapes into the sweat pants pooled around my ankles. It passes the time.

I should have known today would be "off" in some way because it began with trauma bright and early this morning. I use my cell phone as an alarm clock and after turning it off I usually lay in bed for a while and play on my phone until I feel like I'm alert enough to make it to the bathroom without falling down or breaking a toe on a piece of furniture. This morning I was scanning the comments on some book lovers forum that I'm not real sure how I ended up on. I wasn't really alert yet and wasn't paying attention to the conversation but I kept seeing a word that I didn't recognize. The word was "apadravya". I don't have a huge vocabulary but I know a few unusual words. I play Words With Friends. I hadn't seen this one before so I Googled it to find the definition.

For the love of all that is holy, DO NOT Google that word if you're naive like me and don't already know what it means! I am seriously scarred for life. I pulled up the wiki page and there was a nice big color photo that told me all I needed to know.

For your own safety, I will tell you that apadravya is a form of genital piercing that looks to me like it should only be performed by a urologist in a surgical setting. I just can't imagine why anyone would do that. After seeing that I spent over an hour looking at my pretty pictures on Pinterest, trying to erase the image that had been burned into my retinas.

Fortunately my afternoon has not been nearly as traumatizing as my morning was but it could have been had I not already learned my lesson about careless curiosity Googling. I'm always fascinated by those blog statistic thingies that show you what words and phrases people Googled to get to your blog. I just gave mine a once over and saw that over the past year the phrase used most often to land people on my blog was "Mama Maggie Gobran" who I wrote about in this post. That makes me happy.

However, over the past month I have attracted the most visits from people looking for "aged tattoos", an "elephant with a hangover" or "vaginal bleaching". I get the tattoo one but I honestly can't remember writing anything about a hungover elephant. I'm morbidly curious about that bleaching thing but I'm over my annual quota of accidental porn so I'm content to stay naive about that one.

Quite a few people have also found me by searching for "Buckstaff bath house infections", "pelvic rest instructions" and "his underwear drawer". These are the interests of the kind of people I attract. And now I can probably expect to add apadravya enthusiasts to the list. Yay.


SkylersDad said...

Hello there, I am in the market for a piercing and stumbled across your blog. I am disappointed at the lack of pictures...

donnaj said...

while you're at it, look up this one too~Ampallang
thanks to your post i HAD to go look too. thanks alot. now we can both be scarred for life.
We'll always have sonic...

Shannon Green said...

Chris, unfortunately I can now tell you exactly where to go to find all the pictures you'd need!

Donna I think I'll pass and let you keep that scar all for yourself. What is it about us that makes us look at the very thing someone warned us not to look at?!

Ah yes, we'll always have Sonic. We're practically sluts. Vintage sluts.