Friday, May 28, 2010

Names have been changed to protect the guilty

Yesterday I was sitting at my desk, working quietly, thinking wholesome churchy thoughts...because I work at a church and that's what we do.  A couple of similarly wholesome churchy gals came into the office and started discussing their movie plans for the evening and invited me to come along.  I asked what we were seeing and they said Sex and The City 2 at the Broussard theater at 6:20.  That sounded doable to me so I agreed to come along.  I texted Jayson and told him I was going to a movie and out for coffee with the girls so I would be home late.  Then I texted Taylor and asked her if she wanted to go with us.  My daughter's moral compass points a little more north than mine.  She did not approve of our movie choice and declined the offer.  I really screwed up with her somewhere along the line.

Just because I agreed to go to Movie Night With The Girls, doesn't guarantee my actual participation.  I am known to agree to almost anything during the day but once I get home, all bets are off.  As soon as I walk in the door in the evenings, I spontaneously molt out of my clothes and into a t-shirt and sweat pants or shorts with no binding undergarments.  After that, nothing short of a severed limb can make me leave my house.  And that's iffy since we've determined that a styptic stick will stop the bleeding.

When I got home from work last night, I immediately dove into a project to keep myself from molting out of my clothes and it worked for a while.  Just about the time I started to give in, the phone rang and one of the Movie Night Girls asked if I wanted to ride with her since we live near each other.  I usually prefer to take my own car places and not have anyone relying on me for a ride in case the whole thing tanks and I need an out.  But, I agreed since it didn't make sense for both of us to drive all the way out to Broussard and back while the ocean is filling up with oil.  So now I was locked in.

My ride showed up and we had a nice drive to the theater.  I don't know why the Broussard theater was chosen, but I thought maybe it was because some of the Movie Night Girls didn't want to get caught at this particular movie.  Then I remembered who the Movie Night Girls were and knew that definitely wasn't the case.  It had to be the ticket prices which are $2 cheaper than the Lafayette theater.  Wow, I had no idea.  And there wasn't a huge crowd either.  The only downside, other than a little bit of a drive, is that the Broussard theater doesn't have Twizzlers.  I thought every theater had Twizzlers...like it's a requirement or something.  Apparently not.  I soothed my disappointment with an Icee.

Gal Pal #1 (not her real name) and I got our snacks and made our way into the theater.  The Gals who got there first reserved some seats for the rest of us.  I'm not sure if you can see it in the picture, but they draped napkins over the seat backs which I thought was a very classy touch.  In all, there were 9 of us wayward church ladies in attendance.

I wasn't expecting much from the movie and that's about what it delivered.  I will say, it was not nearly as raunchy as I was expecting.  I've seen a couple of episodes of the TV show, one was entertaining and the other one I couldn't finish watching because I got all embarrassed.  The movie had 2 sex scenes where we were treated to very brief (and busy) male backsides.  The scenes were so short, I really didn't have time to get uncomfortable.  And anyone who's been married longer than 5 minutes knows that when it comes to bare male backsides, the briefer the glance the better.

I am extremely easily entertained and rarely completely dislike a movie, and I didn't completely dislike this one.  The acting was bad.  Noticeably bad.  And the actresses are really showing their age, which wouldn't be a bad thing if they were acting their age.  But there were a few funny parts and some touching scenes that had to do with motherhood.  Maybe I would have liked it better if I was more into fashion.  Since I'm not, I found the clothes to be ridiculously impractical.  These 4 girls were walking through the desert in Abu Dhabi wearing stilettos.  I just didn't get it.  The only thing I did get, which, okay is ridiculously impractical but I love it anyway, is these sunglasses on a stick.   I have no idea why I like these so much but I do!  In fact, I'm really regretting throwing out Taylor's broken sunglasses a few weeks ago because I'm dying to make my own (not Chanel) sunglasses on a stick.

I also made a note to remind myself to pick up a Maybach like each of the girls in the movie had at my earliest convenience.  And I also suggested to, uh, Gal Pal #2 that she book flights for the next Haiti mission trip on the same airline they used in the movie.  Actually, I think that one was fictitious but Emirates Airline has the exact same suites.  I think we could serve the Lord more productively if we traveled like this.
   



After the movie we walked over to Starbuck's to grab an espresso before bedtime only to be reminded that it was 5 minutes until closing time.  Who should we run into but the next wave of Movie Night Girls waiting for the 9:30 show.  Who knew this movie would be so popular among church ladies?  We later found out that the 9:30 Girls had the privilege of being seated in front of a bunch of drunk gay guys in drag.  Some girls have all the luck!  That just sounds like fun to me.  I can hear the tut-tut of my daughter's disapproval in the back of my head.

So we left the second wave of Movie Night Girls and headed over to CC's for our nightcap.  We  talked and laughed and drank our coffee and ate our cookies and scared off some youngsters.  A good time was had by all.  Whoever said church ladies are stuffy and boring has obviously never met MY church ladies.  We talk about our sex lives, we laugh until we pee our pants (not always because of the sex life conversations), we cry over the bad choices our children make,  we discuss our latest diet over a pan of brownies,  we complain about the electric bill, and occasionally we tiptoe across the line...but if one of us steps too far, another one is there to pull her back.  Those are my kind of gals.  

I should probably have whiplash from the number of times I've had to be saved from myself but I sure do like pushing that envelope.  I'm working on that.  Case in point: earlier this week I was at a staff meeting at church explaining how the new website would be more like a blog and we would embed some of the existing ministry blogs that we have.  Someone at the meeting asked if the new website would have a link to this blog.  Marti and Dennis both jumped up at the same time and screamed, "NO!!!"  Gee, I wonder what they meant by that?  :) 

No comments: