Sunday, May 16, 2010

You should write a blog

So I've caved to peer pressure, yet again, and started another blog, yet again.  People are always telling me, "you should write a blog".  What they may not realize is that I have written a blog.  Many blogs.  I am a serial blogger.  I start a blog, post 4 or 5 times, then completely lose interest and let it die a slow painful death.  I have murdered 5 or 6 different blogs and I feel sure this one will eventually suffer the same fate.  Oh well.

Now that I've resurrected the blog, I have nothing to say.  This is why I don't blog, it's why I don't sell my artwork.  The pressure to perform completely paralyzes me.  I love to write but the only way I can do it is to convince myself that no one really reads it.  If I can ever get over these freaky quirks, I'm going to write a book.  Someday.  About...something.

Jayson and I went to first service at church this morning then went to IHOP for brunch.  I can't figure out why a city this size known for it's abundant and diverse eating establishments has the smallest IHOP I've ever been in.  And the place is always packed wall to wall with a 20 minute wait.  Whoever owns it has to be making a killing.  We put our name on the list and settled in for our wait with about 20 other people.

We stood up against a wall for about 10 minutes next to a long row of chairs set up for the waiting masses.  When the 2 people sitting in the chairs closest to us were called to their table, I looked around to make sure there were no elderly or disabled people waiting, then grabbed the seats.  Jayson was on the very end and I was next to a woman who was holding her toddler in her lap. 

I am not exactly known for my love of humanity, a character flaw I am working to improve, but I like most kids most of the time.  For the little ones, there seems to be something about my face that they find funny because I can usually get them to smile pretty easily.  I don't ever try to analyze that phenomenon because it might depress me, I just tell myself that they are drawn to my dazzling smile.  Yeah, whatever.

So Jayson and I entertained ourselves by making faces at the toddler next to us and occasionally picking up her binky that she kept spitting onto the floor.  I didn't see any other kids around her but I knew she had to have brothers or sisters because her mom didn't even wipe off the binky before she plugged it back into the kid's mouth.  That's not her first baby.

Just as they were called to their table, an elderly couple came in and headed toward the empty seats beside us.  I couldn't tell exactly what kind of medical issue the woman had but her husband was carrying a black bag that she appeared to be hooked up to.  The wife was leaning on the husband for support as she walked, but it looked to me like the husband sure needed someone to lean on too.

They waddled over to the seats beside us and the husband helped his wife to get seated and comfortable before he sat down.  I should say before he began the process of trying to sit down.  Because I was already seated and because this man standing beside/in front of me was bent at the waist in preparation to be seated, I couldn't help but notice that his backside was freakishly wide.  This observation turned to panic when I saw that not only was his backside not going to be contained in his own chair (spill over was inevitable and my chair was right next to his), but he was a little shaky and off balance and aiming right for my lap.

There was nothing I could do.  My whole life flashed before my eyes.  Because of his position in front of me I couldn't stand up to help him or even move out of his way.  I reflexively raised my hands as if waiting to catch a pass and run it in for a touchdown.  Fortunately, the earth shifted on its axis just in time and the man swiveled perfectly into his seat with minimal uncomfortable spillover.

I sure hope this doesn't sound disrespectful because I like old people just fine.  In fact whenever I see an elderly couple I wonder what Jayson and I will be like at their age.  Will one of us have to take care of the other, will we be active (which would be weird since we're not that active now), will we be 'that sweet elderly couple' or will we be 'those cranky old people', etc.? 

I think most old people are cute as can be, I just don't want to sit next to them on an airplane.  Does that make me a bad person?  They're not like most people where once you put in your ear buds they get the message and don't try to talk to you.  Oh no.  Old people don't mind at all that you're not listening and trying desperately to sleep, they've got a captive audience, by gosh, and 47 grandchildren to describe in painful detail.

To be fair, that was one elderly lady on one 3 hour flight that felt like it lasted for 4 months.  I shouldn't lump all elderly people in with her, especially since I'll probably be just like her some day.  And on that day, if there is a God in heaven who loves me, I will find myself on a cross country flight seated next to one of her grandchildren.


Janet Detter Margul said...

I've sat next to the same old lady. On a flight from Milan to Dallas. If I hadn't had maybe one too many of those fabu Maker's Mark Delta serves, I woulda killed her. But instead I sat and hoped my arm would start working before we got to Dallas.

I'm gonna write a book someday, too. Hey, if you think of a topic or a plot or something, tell it to me, then we can BOTH be not writing competing books at the same time. By the way, I'm still not reading your blog, I just felt moved to write another comment, so that when the Shannon groupies start to organize, I will be QUEEN by virtue of me being here the longest. I am thinking ahead.

Shannon said...

That lady gets around. How cool would it be if we both published books at the same time? I have a feeling we both have lots of years of seeing who can out procrastinate the other first.

Thanks for not reading my blog. You're a true friend :)

donnaj said...

should we start the "blog pool" to see how long you'll last this time?
Next time you sit by that woman, just say, "my shrink said i really shouldn't talk to anyone this time-don't want a repeat of my last flight-God rest her soul and my parole board."

Shannon said...


Out Of My Head said...

Still officially loving you even though I have now read two blogs. I may go for four. Yep, think i will do that

Mayn said...

I'm with Donna, we should start a "blog pool".