Monday, May 24, 2010

Oh, Snap!

I thought I'd wait until today to write about the weekend since this is my day off.  That way I could take my time, think about what I'm going to say, reflect leisurely, and enjoy the process.  Not to mention I could use the "I have to blog" excuse to get out of doing other unpleasant tasks such as cleaning, laundry, brushing my teeth, etc.  Mind you, there is no one here telling me to clean house and do the laundry, nor is there anyone here that I have to make excuses to.  It's just my head...telling myself what I need to do, then arguing with myself that I have other obligations such as entertaining myself with sarcastic anecdotes so I simply cannot be bothered with such mundane (and not entertaining) tasks as washing underwear.  Arguing with myself can be frustrating and exhausting but the good part about it is...I always win.

So basically, I'm blogging in dirty underwear.  Just so you know.  And I'm probably borderline mentally ill.  Oh, and you know my big plan to wait until Monday to write about the weekend?  I must have been temporarily insane when I had that idea.  I obviously forgot that I have no short-term memory.  Take my narcoleptic memory loss, add a heaping spoonful of hormones to the mix and I'm practically that guy from the movie Memento.  The next time you see me I may have my grocery list tattooed on my forearm.  Don't judge me.

Let's just see how much I can remember.  I have no memory at all of Friday night which I'm taking as a good sign that it was pleasant and uneventful.  Saturday....  Yes.  Saturday morning I woke up and Jayson had already cleaned the kitchen, the hall bathroom, and mopped all the floors.  I was so exhausted for him that I took an afternoon nap.  Eventually I did pitch in and we got the house straightened up.  Our house is never really "clean" and we're okay with that.  Everyone here either works all day or goes to school (or both) and we're tired when we get home.  I don't want to spend the last few remnants of my tiny allotment of daily energy on cleaning when I could be playing Words With Friends.  It's all about priorities. 

Saturday night we took Erin Farley to dinner and hung out for a little while.  She's doing some amazing work ministering to children, it was great to get caught up with her.  We ate at Sage Italian, which was good but I couldn't get my mind off their light fixtures.  It's a pendant light with a paper shade that reminds me of those cheesy party decorations with the honeycombed paper.

After a little Googling, I learned that these were designed by Karl Zahn and are made from Tyvek.  Brilliant!  They're not really that expensive either.  I'm not really looking for lighting options but that didn't stop me from Googling them and saving pictures of my top 100 favorites.  It's how I roll.  I'll share a few of the pictures I found just in case someone accidentally reads this and needs an interesting but impractical light fixture.

Apartment Therapy has this one made from toilet paper.

Cut Out and Keep gives instructions on how to make this one from drinking straws.

Jeffrey Rudell provides instructions for recreating his paper chandelier at Craft Stylish.  Just in case you're out of forks to stick in your eyes.

Okay, these aren't paper, they're reversible felt and you can buy them from if you can convert pounds to dollars.  Or we can all save a few bucks and a currency conversion nightmare by making our own out of construction paper like we did in first grade.

Sunday we went to first service at church then our small group met during second service.  Joel, my boss/worship pastor, had driven his uber geeky scooter to church Sunday morning and parked it under a tree by the stage exit.  This proved to be too much of a distraction/temptation to our small group, especially since we max out at about 10 on-task minutes per meeting.  Someone (I will not throw my husband under a bus) casually suggested we t.p. Joel's scooter.  The motion was seconded and passed unanimously.  Someone (again, not throwing Jayson under the bus) grabbed a roll and lovingly decorated Joel's ride.  He did have some help from two passers by who may or may not be named Mary and Melanie.  They were on their way to jump out of an airplane cuz that's just what they do after church.  Then someone (I'll help him out from under the bus later) put a crispy dead frog on the scooter seat and carefully belted him in with t.p.  We just considered this our small group community service project and the meeting was adjourned.

I should add that it would have been difficult to have an actual meeting since 2 of our members were missing and one was hemorrhaging in his car.  Chad nicked the top of his ear when he was shaving in the shower Sunday morning.  Chad is one of those bald guys who shaves his head.  I know, I don't get it either.  Anyway, he didn't realize he had cut himself until he discovered the scab during church and he did what you're supposed to do when you find a scab.  He picked it off.  Apparently his jugular runs across the top of his ear because his profuse bleeding cause him to miss the rest of the service and most of our small group meeting.  He finally went to the CVS across the street and bought a styptic stick which stopped the bleeding immediately.  We discussed the magic of the styptic stick and how if you severed a limb you could probably use it to stop the bleeding then go on about your day.

We all decided that Chad was looking a little pale and iron deficient and we figured Mexican food would restore him so we had lunch at Azteca's...which, in my opinion, is probably the most underrated Mexican food in town. Their salsa is great.  After lunch, Chad and Jamie had about 47 things to do, one of them being shopping for some pants for Chad, so Jayson decided he needed pants too.  We said our goodbyes then headed to Stein Mart where Jayson got 2 pairs of pants and 2 shirts, I got 1 shirt.  Stein Mart is too pricey for me.  The shirt I got was $14.95!  Of course its original price was $118 so I guess I shouldn't complain but I hate paying over $10 for an article of clothing.  That's just wasting good money that I could be spending on Tyvek lamp shades or something.

After Stein Mart we headed over to the library to pickup some books that were being held for us.  I got a cheesy romance novel and Jayson got some golf book or something.  Yawn. 

Anyway on the way home Jayson said, "Oh snap!" 

I said, "What?" 

He said, "Did I say it right?  You know, in the right context?"

I said, "There was no context.  No one was saying anything."

Apparently Jayson heard someone say "oh snap" a few days ago and he'd never heard it before and wanted to sound all young and hip.  Taylor would have rolled her eyes and said, "FAIL!"  So we had a discussion on the appropriate usage of "oh snap" and then did some role playing exercises so we could practice sounding natural when we say it. Unfortunately for me, a recovering potty mouth, when an emphatic "oh" comes out of my mouth, "snap" is not the word that naturally wants to follow it.  I have to stop, think, regroup, then speak.  After some practice, we were both satisfied that we could say "oh snap" and sound exactly like the people we are: The King of the Geeks and his lovely wife, the Nerd Queen. 


Out Of My Head said...

oh so glad i found this before going to bed. i posted today but find it actually boring and uninteresting. but i am old and a reader and reading was on my mind since i have been unable to read because can't wear my glasses. its getting better though. this too will pass and i may out live it. If I can get glasses on in the morning i am going ack to work. don't like this staying around the house. i eat too much.good night sweet prince. parting is such sweet sorrow but i shall say good night til it be morrow or something along those lines

Jamie said...

All I can say is NO to the straw chandelier!!

wren said...


Shannon said...

LOL When I saw the straw fixture, I immediately thought of 2 people: Erin and Jamie! I wouldn't be surprised if someone builds a house out of them. Don't worry, Jamie, it won't be me.

donnaj said...

i wanna see the frog!